Why You Worry and How to Stop
“Don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine”
“Just stop worrying”
‘“Don’t let it bother you”
Has anyone ever said something like this to you? When you experience chronic worry these kind of suggestions can be infuriating. Worrying takes a lot of energy and may feel like it has infiltrated into multiple areas of your life. Chronic worry may start to affect your general wellbeing too. You may find yourself feeling restless, irritable, struggling to concentrate, and having difficulty sleeping. You might have tried your hardest to stop worrying but keep coming up against obstacles. This blog post will consider some of these obstacles and some useful tips for reducing worry. But first lets clarify what exactly worry is.
What is worry?
Worry is future-oriented thinking that attempts to solve uncertainty and potential problems. In small amounts this may actually have some benefits. It might help you to plan ahead, anticipate and solve problems and consider various outcomes. However, when worry becomes chronic and excessive, it becomes dysfunctional. Although you may think you are problem solving, it is not constructive and you continue to feel anxious and apprehensive. Your worries may shift from topic to topic and may feel uncontrollable. You may be trying to solve problems that are not solvable. You may find yourself spiralling, considering every possible outcome, no matter how unlikely. This leaves you feeling on edge, fatigued and maybe even ‘paralysed’ by worry.
6 reasons you may find it difficult to stop worrying
You have been worrying for a long time
Worrying often begins when we are a child, teenager or young adult. As well as the ability to form behavioural habits, such as brushing our teeth, we can also form thinking habits. If you have been worrying for a long time it has likely become an unhelpful thinking habit.
Neuroplasticity means that our brain can change and reorganise connections in response to learning, environmental stimuli and experiences. This means that new, more helpful thinking habits can be developed with practise. In the same way you may go to the gym everyday to build muscle, it takes time and repetition to build new ‘mental muscles’.
You believe worrying is helpful in some way
You may experience thoughts such as, “If I don’t worry, who will?”, “Worry prevents bad things from happening” or “Worry prepares me for the worst”. These are metacognitions – which are, simply put, thoughts about thoughts. In therapy we get really curious about these types of beliefs and investigate how true they are objectively.
Additionally, far more power is often attributed to worry than it actually has. For example, worrying about whether you have passed your exams, while waiting for your results, doesn’t actually have any effect on the outcome.
You try to firefight every worry
Thought challenging and problem solving are commonly used techniques in CBT. While they can be really useful, they don’t always help with worry. If your worries shift from topic to topic quickly you could end up spending a lot of time trying to challenge your thoughts. Additionally, some worries are about hypothetical situations, rather than real events, so trying to solve them proves impossible. Instead, it is more helpful to focus on learning to observe thoughts with neutrality.
You try to suppress your thoughts
You might find you can temporarily distract yourself or try to suppress your thoughts, but this is not a helpful or healthy strategy in the long run. You may also find that you busy yourself in the day but your worries pop up louder than ever as you try to get to sleep. In therapy we work on building tolerance to uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. You can practise creating distance from your thoughts and yourself, learning to notice your thoughts and continue to take action in alignment with your values.
You believe being a ‘worrier’ is just who you are
If you have been experiencing worry for a long time, it is totally understandable why you might believe this. Worry can permeate into many aspects of our life and so it can begin to feel like part of our identity.
While anxiety can have a genetic component, this does not seal your fate. Additionally, anxiety and worry can be triggered by environmental factors too. As I mentioned earlier, worrying is essentially an unhelpful thinking habit. Our brain’s ability to rewire means we can work on building more helpful habits instead.
You struggle to tolerate uncertainty
This is very common and normal. You may struggle with doubt and not knowing what the future holds. Tolerance of uncertainty can be increased though.
Tips for managing worry
So now you know some of the ways worry can be maintained. But how can you overcome these and reduce the time you spend worrying. Here are a few practical suggestions to get you started:
Practice mindfulness
John Kabat-Zinn describes mindfulness as, “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally”. It is not about clearing your mind or stopping thinking. Worry is future-oriented so it is helpful to practice being mindful and grounding yourself in the present moment. If meditation feels too challenging you can do this in other ways. For example, use all your five senses to engage with the present. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. You can do this when you notice you’ve started worrying. You can also practice in day to day life, for example when you are out for a walk or commuting to work.
Worry notebook
This may help if you struggle to sleep because your mind is busy and you are worrying. Keep a notebook beside your bed. When you go to bed, write down everything on your mind, such as worries or things you need to do the next day. Then set aside 10-20 minutes each day to go through your worry notebook.
Solvable vs hypothetical worries
As you go through your worry notebook, notice whether they are solvable problems that you can do something about or hypothetical worries. If it is a solvable problem, write down the next step you can take towards dealing with the issue. If it is a hypothetical worry, practice mindfulness and the five senses exercise if you notice it popping up during the day.
I hope this has increased your awareness of why you may struggle to stop worrying and given you some practical tools to reduce worry. If you feel you need more help I encourage you to seek professional support or contact your GP. With the right support you can reduce worry and start enjoying life again.
Reducing worry is something I specialise in supporting clients with. If you are interested in working together, do get in touch. I offer a free, no obligations 15-minute chat for you to ask any questions about therapy and make sure I am the right therapist for you.
You can also find me on Instagram @therapywithamy_